A. Debunk the Assertiveness Myths
i. Assertiveness Myths for Aggressive People:
o I cannot change who I was born to be (respect for others is a virtue)
o My needs and feelings are more important than the needs of others
o People lack direction and have to be commanded to do what they are required to do
o I know it all and others should do all things my way
ii. Assertiveness Myths for Passive People:
o I cannot change who I was born to be (letting yourself be disrespected is a vice)
o The needs and feelings of others are more important than mine
o I will offend my friends if I exercise assertiveness
o I am not good enough in my capabilities
B. Build Assertive Skills
i. Being specific
Know what you want and state it clearly.
ii. Use of Broken record
Use repetition to convey what you need or want done.
iii. Workable compromise
Identify the needs and strengths of the other party and work towards collaboration to achieve a ‘win-win’ for both parties.
iv. Self-disclosure
Clearly state the event (shows understanding), your feelings and your needs (shows self-awareness), and the results when your needs are met (shows appreciation).
v. Negative assertion
When the discussion is overly heated up due to such things as anger towards you while the cause of your actions was unavoidable, continuously indicate acceptance of the wrong till the conversation is restored and afterwards give your justifications.
vi. Negative inquiry and positive inquiry:
When criticized, prompt negative inquiry: Inquire to understand more about the criticism to help build the weakness.
When complimented, prompt positive inquiry: Inquire to understand more about the compliment to help build the strength.
C. Know and live the Assertive Rights
o It is your right to be assertive
o It is your right to be and respect yourself
o It is your right to have your own priorities
o It is your right to speak out your needs and feelings
o It is your right to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty
o It is your right to say ‘yes’ when you want to
o It is your right to be treated with respect
o It is your right to celebrate your accomplishments and to correct your mistakes
o It is your right to ask for help when need be
o It is your right to choose being unassertive
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